Self-Talk: A Stupid Analogy

The way we speak to ourselves can change not only our outlook on life, but our mental state all together. Our subconscious establishes a belief by repetition and once the seed of an idea has been planted it (our subconscious) actively seeks examples to confirm and reinforce that belief.  With that, negative self-talk can begin as simply as having one off day.
 
Imagine waking up in the morning and as you walk to the bathroom, you stub your toe. As you mutter a bad word under your breath, you think to yourself, “ouch. That was stupid.”
 
You continue with your morning, you have a big presentation at work today and you are excited. You’ve been researching and preparing for weeks and you know your idea is amazing. You get ready to go, you dress for success and feel prepared for the day. You hop in your car and as you glance at the time, notice you have a couple extra minutes to swing into the coffee shop and grab a coffee on your way. You park and run in, with your presentation on your mind, you walk to the counter and as you begin to give the barista your order, the guy in the lineup behind you, whom you have just cut in front of, mutters a few choice words under his breath and calls you stupid. Embarrassed, you apologize, grab your coffee and head to the counter to add cream and sugar, snap on a lid and leave.
 
Back in the car, you take a sip from your coffee and too late realize that the lid is not on correctly. You spill coffee down the front of your shirt, look at the mess and say, “Ugh. That was stupid.”
 
You get to work, clean yourself up, pump yourself up and nail the presentation. You’re feeling awesome as you drive home that final important point and when you scan the room, your gaze lands on the face of your manager. A face that is currently looking at you like you have two heads. A face that obviously thinks you, or your idea, or both, are stupid.
 
So there you go, in one day you’re subconscious has been told 4 times that you are stupid. Twice by you, who is, lets face it, the leading authority on ‘you’. Once by a complete stranger and once by a person in a position of authority.
 
But lets re-cap:

1. Stubbing your toe has absolutely nothing to do with your I.Q.. It was an accident.
2. The man at the coffee shop may have been having a bad day, or perhaps was just not a very nice person. Either way, he doesn’t know you and therefore can have zero opinion on how smart you are.
3. Being in a hurry and not putting the lid on your coffee tells you that you need to pay a bit more attention, not that you are unintelligent.
4. Your boss did not say a word after your presentation. YOU decided that the look on his face meant you were stupid. Perhaps he was thinking about how to implement your idea or maybe he just didn’t think the timing was right. Regardless, you are not a mind reader and furthermore, if someone doesn’t agree with your idea, it does not mean you are stupid.

 
And there you have it, a belief has been suggested, confirmed and reinforced by your subconscious. A belief that is not only untrue, but negative and potentially destructive as well. Our subconscious is an amazing goal seeker and once it has established a belief, it will then seek out to re-affirm that belief. In the case of this story, that means pointing out to your conscious every time you do something to prove that you are “stupid”.
 
This is why we use relaxation modalities such as guided imagery, meditation or hypnotherapy. When we relax the body, the mind slows and the theory is that when our brainwaves slow, our subconscious becomes open to suggestion. That is when we can bypass the critical thinking consciousness and give the positive suggestions to our subconscious that will change or replace the negative self-talk.
 

-B